Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Bird

Heather actually spent an entire semester in college studying Hitchcock films if this one looks a little too familiar.


Young newlyweds Heather and Brett gather up their grocery list, recyclables and reusable tote bags for a day of local shopping. They are headed out the door. It is a bright, sunny day in Upstate New York. They are walking out of their front door when Heather stops abruptly.

Brett, did you remember to grab my coupon book?? I wanted to have it for the trip to Wal-Mart.

(returning to the apartment)
No, but I'll go grab it. Where did you leave it?

Heather now stands in the courtyard patiently, appreciating her neighbor Peggy's beautiful flowers. They are in full bloom, giving the small, quaint courtyard a sense of tranquility, peace and calm. As she looks up to admire the sunny, cloudless sky...she notices something. Something not quite right.

(gasps audibly)
What the hell is that?

(from deep inside the apartment)
What?? Where did you say that book was?

Brett! Get out here now! There's some kind of creepy bird...And it's looking at me!!

(not paying attention, slowly locking the apartment door)
It's probably just a hummingbird. You know that Miss Peggy has those feeder things all over the place around here.

I am pretty sure it's not a hummingbird...Yea, definitely sure.
That thing looks like a rat with wings!

CUT TO: Evil Pigeon sitting on roof ledge, radiating hate through it's beady little eyes. TENSION is high. Sunny skies suddenly have dark, ominous clouds rolling in.

SCREECH. The crazy, angry PIGEON yelps as it takes flight. HARD FLUTTERING as the PIGEON swoops down from his perch in an angry dive bomb, leveling our two protagonists to the ground.

CUT TO: Heather & Brett hunkered down for their lives! Wide-eyed and a crazy mess.

(screaming like a girl)

That dumb bird obviously doesn't know that a couple of Southerners just moved in.
He'll be dinner in no time!

NARRATIVE VO: The carrier pigeon terrorized the young couple for weeks. It appeared very tame, with numbered bands on each leg, but walked around like it owned the place. It's evil stare would send shutters down your spine! Finally, after numerous calls and complaints to various city outlets, a man came with a fishing net to capture the evil pigeon. But the pigeon outsmarted the man and remained free until the 80-year-old neighbor devised her own plan. She sat in her chair, with a pet carrier filled with bird seed and water and tied a string to the door. It didn't take long before the pigeon grew hungry and wandered into the carrier to check things out. When he did-SNAP-the door closed and the menacing bird was finally captured. The bird was then taken nearly two hours away and released back into the wild.

1 comment:

  1. I feel sorry for the poor bird. It's probably just lonely for it's bird friends. It is probably just looking for friends and thought you and BG looked like nice people... I guess it will have to keep searching!