Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Movie Review: Don't Get Lost With "The Tourist"

Let's say a movie studio gives you between $70-$90 million dollars to make a movie.  You might think, lets get some big name stars...great Angelina Jolie & Johnny Depp are available?  Cool, we'll take them!  Then we'll add a beautiful location.  Who loves Italy??  You know, we're gonna need some people to shoot the cameras and Kraft services.  And with Angelina Jolie is on board we're definitely going to need babysitters.  Waddya mean we're out of money?  And that folks, is how you end up with a movie that couldn't afford writers.

The Tourist is a remake of the 2005 French thriller Anthony Zimmer and stars Jolie as mysterious European woman Elise Ward and Depp as American tourist Frank Tupelo (we giggled at the name Tupelo!).  The two cross paths on a train and Tupelo becomes an unwitting pawn in a game of intrigue after falling for Ward.  The plot is just a wreck afterwards and director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck does little to develop the characters or the storyline.

To nicely sum up this movie review: about five minutes into The Tourist, Brett leaned over to Heather and whispered, "I think I've figured it out."  And dang it, he was right.

Thumbs down!
Depp and Jolie have no chemistry what so ever.  Their dialogue is choppy and uninteresting and their "relationship" develops at warp speed.  Depp has about three funny lines, you'll catch them at the end if you don't leave before the credits roll.  If it hadn't been for the stunning background scenery and Jolie's fabulous wardrobe, this movie would be a total waste.  We cracked up when we read another blog review that called it "Salt by Chanel."  Points to the makeup department for keeping up with Angelina's lipstick, she wears a lot of it in this movie!

With a background as beautiful and as interesting as Venice, you would think there would be a lot to work with.  The "action" scenes were painfully slow moving (think South Park's Cartman and Kenny's race to Mexico in their Go Go Action Bronco) and we think had inconsistencies in editing.  Look for the top of the boat to get shot in one scene and then be fine in the next.

The Tourist is rated PG-13 and had the A-Team style of violence where everybody shoots but no one gets hurt.  Honestly, some sex and violence might have saved this terrible script to something worth our time.  No doubt loyal Depp and Jolie fans will flock to see The Tourist, but don't expect much.  Our advice...don't fall for this tourist trap!


  1. Yeah wasn't gonna see this one cause im not a angelina fan but johnny is ok...after seeing the trailer I could tell right off the bat the chemistry was bad..and it just looked like a dumb movie lol

  2. LOL...I love your honesty...and especially that picture!! I'm not much of a movie buff anyway, but I'll definitely be skipping this one. Thanks for the advice!